Like a Deaf Kid at the Disco
It’s been almost officially a year since I made the big move to the Old World (2 May 2007). Perhaps the most accurate description of my experience here thus far is “like being a deaf kid at the disco”. I know that there is a wonderful party going on all around me and I desperately want to join in, but I can’t seem to understand what’s going on. Everything is basically lost in translation, and I’m afraid that I often miss out on all the nuances of modern day Dutched life.
Aside from missing all the basic necessities of HOME (loving warm family, incredible friends, sunshine, elevation, fresh affordable food, etc.), I have also come to miss the very idea of “freedom” that I had as an American. Contrary to popular belief, the Netherlands is not as liberal as it seems. Underneath all these pretenses of “open-mindedness” such as the legality of gay/lesbian marriages, tolerance of marijuana, and legalization of prostitution lurks a very conservative society bordering on obsessive compulsive tendencies.
The inevitable consequence is a bureaucratic government system complete with a plethora of regels (rules) that no one (especially government/city/town Dutch workers) can really understand, subject to interpretation and under the mercy of the current mood of who ever is in charge. It is not about what you want to do as much as whether or not it is permitted by one of the rules (which can either be mandatory, conditional voluntary or suggestion only but never clear unless directly asked). Unfortunately this is not an exaggeration but rather an accurate reflection. Potential expats beware!
If I am beginning to sound a bit depressed its because I am. More accurately, I am in a constant state of culture shock. I am not actually sad/blue/under the weather as much as I am strained from constantly being challenged.
However, the positive news is that I am seeing the “light”. I am beginning to acclimate to Dutch rudeness, becoming more assertive, direct and less sensitive. I have grown up so much in the past year. Left only to my wits end, living in the Netherlands has afforded me the opportunity to really get to know myself, to prioritize what is really important to me, and grow confident in my own skin. I must stress how wonderful it is to have a great guy who showers me with constant love, adoration, and companionship. After all, he’s not your typical Dutch guy– completely generous, understanding and kind. Last but not least, I’ve been given the gift of a whole new world filled with interesting, wonderful people who’ve made the journey worth every moment.
For anyone brave enough to entertain the idea of living in the Netherlands, I highly suggest reading The Undutchables by Colin White and Laurie Bocke. A friend of mine, a southern belle as I like to tease her, recently gave it to me as a belated survival guide. While at times the book may go a little too far, it does provide you with an accurate sense of the reality of a Dutched life and the comfort of comic relief along the way.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
You have a great blog! I am also an American expat living in the Netherlands. I wanted to let you know I thought your blog was so good & helpful, so I added your blog to my list of helpful expat links on my blog
Again, great blog you have here!!
Isabella
April 26th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Very well put!
I know what you are saying here all too well. I know I don’t know you yet, but I have just been browsing a few of your entries and saw this. So I had to comment again! Our upbringings in America must have been very similar. OR it IS just the way it is here. However, I too just recently got over a large lump of culture shock. Only to find there would be more culture shock around the corner! We both seem to have loving Dutch guys, and I think it helps a lot and gives us comforting foundation!
As for the light, I have seen it too. For example: I got more assertive just a few weeks ago when a neighbor confronted me again, for the 20th time, about ‘how we are in America’. I set it straight. Told him what he was assuming was just as senseless as me assuming the Dutch are like Italians or Germans. Even better, it was as senseless as me assuming all Dutch wore wooden shoes and enjoyed marijuana. Each part of the Netherlands, though tiny, has a different way of life in each province. He had never visited my corner of the U.S., so he had no idea how friendly and clean it could be. I was afraid my well spoken assertiveness would be too forward or blunt; however, it was taken the way I’d hoped. He not only understood, but he gives me more respect.
Enough of my going-on here
I hope you don’t mind I have added your link to my “expat blogs/links” because I think your blog is helpful!
Isabella
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Nice to have found your blog. Funny how our stories and feelings are quite similar. The entry you just wrote speaks what I have in my mind as well. If not for our loving Dutch guys it would not have been the same. I admit I have a love-hate relationship with this country. I am close to leaving it though .. but still hanging on.. On the other hand this country also made me “grow up” as well: being more assertive and less overly-sensitive to criticism and I could see how 2 years has changed me while at work.. There are things I adore about this country but there are a lot more things I can’t stand living with. I am sure you would know what those are.
“the gift of a whole new world filled with interesting, wonderful people who’ve made the journey worth every moment.”
Well said!
May 3rd, 2008 at 5:23 am
I found your blog through MJ’s blog…and let me tell you, i’m Dutch, born in Holland, but I absolutely dislike it there. I lived there for all of 2 years (when I was a baby, and when I was 17) and everything you say about the Dutch or NL in this blog is so true! I am happy I don’t live there anymore. I found that when I was living there at the age of 17 and attending the American School of The Hague, I was often discriminated against…BY THE DUTCH. And yes, they lack customer service skills…once in the grocery store the cashier was sighing heavily because I asked for a bag…she was like: Is that absolutely necessary? Um yeah, how else to carry my stuff? Ugh girl, I feel for you. Do you get to visit home a lot?