There are people who know exactly how to eloquently express their own “cultural observations”. My friend Matthijs is one of them. Enjoy!

Matthij’s personal musings on “The UnDutchables” in his own words:

Colin White and Laurie Boucke wrote a great book in 1989 called “The UnDutchables” which, as they describe in their forward, is “a psychological survival kit for expats” or “the lowdown on Holland.” While reading it, I experienced at times the urge to cringe, to laugh, to cry and/or to throw the book across the room. It is so dead on in dissecting Dutch social mores that I even got defensive. But then I said to myself: “everyone here considers me American, so what do I have to worry about?” It’s handy to have dual nationality. That way I can always take credit for the good parts of America and Holland and disown the bad ones. As I always say when Dutch people ask me to which country I feel I belong: “When I hear Bruce Springsteen, I am American, when I see George Bush, I am Dutch.” 

Nevertheless, the book got me to thinking and I have come up with a new section of “truths” based on my own personal observations which the authors may consider inserting into an annex of one of their forthcoming periodic updates:

• In America, the baseline answer when one has been invited to a party is “yes”, even when one doesn’t intend to come. In Holland, the baseline answer is “no”, though they may surprise you and reconsider.
• Americans demonstrate that they trust you by sharing intimate details about their lives the very first time you meet them. Anyone who does in The Netherlands will be distrusted immediately. “If he is so loose with his own secrets,” they wonder, “how will he be with mine?”
• American nurses feel the patient’s pain. Dutch nurses think that by doing so, they will only make things worse.
• American drivers wave to other drivers who have treated them with courtesy. Dutch drivers will only sometimes wave if they are conscious of having been discourteous.
• In America, the customer is king. In Holland, a customer who acts like a king will quickly be treated as a pauper.
• Americans often greet their new next door neighbors, unannounced, with home-made cookies or some other dish from their kitchen. You only do this to your neighbors in Holland if you want to scare the shit out of them.
• It is still quite acceptable for the Dutch to scold misbehaving children not their own. Only Americans with high-powered lawyers would even dare such a thing.
• Though American women love talking about sex with all sorts of people, even men they have just met in a bar, they have lots of hang-ups when it comes to actually doing it. Dutch women have almost no hang-ups when doing it, but only share the details with their best girlfriends.
• In America, authoritarian managers are feared but can still be respected. In Holland, they are hated and quietly undermined.
• In America, the superficial friendship is the very oil on the gears of society. In The Netherlands, it is the cog on the wheel.
• Most Americans have a vague notion that religious leaders, whomever they may be, are persons worthy of respect. Most Dutch people have a vague notion that they deserve disrespect. Both are unsure about how to express this, however.
• The Dutch often describe themselves as being spontaneous, though they haven’t a fucking clue what that word means. Americans are naturally spontaneous and consequently almost never talk about it.
• The Dutch are jealous and thus disdainful the American’s natural openness. Americans familiar with Dutch culture are jealous and thus disdainful of their comforting homogeneity.
• An American receiving an unexpected generosity will offer profuse thanks followed by specific commitments regarding the repayment of their debt, which they will conveniently forget about later on. A Dutch person receiving the same will, if they can get away with it, not say a word of thanks, resenting already the implication that you have tried to put them in your debt. They will also very likely consider you an idiot from that point onwards.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 17th, 2008 at 8:24 pm and is filed under Expat Journey(s). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.