I’m not fond of living in the Netherlands. I really want to go home. It is such a depressing country to live in. And I’m getting tired of trying. Perhaps my mood is influenced by the perpetual darkness that shapes my everyday reality. Unfortunately, I’m not being metaphorical here. Who ever said that it takes about six months to feel at home in a foreign place must definitely not have been talking about the Low Countries.

I’m in the midst of another round of finals, and I find myself as unprepared as the first time. While I keep reminding myself that getting a “master’s degree” without taking any prerequisite courses leaves room for certain fallacies, I still can’t shake off the feeling of inadequacy and ineptness.

As one can notice, I am really having a difficult time adjusting to the cultural differences here. My posts are sporadic, sparing my audience of another rant of how much I dislike it here. It’s not necessarily a horrible world to live in as an adult-there’s job security, a relatively balanced distribution of wealth, the potential to have an annual six weeks of vacation (not including government Holidays), family-oriented companies to work for (i.e 4 day work weeks), abundance of great quality chocolate, beer, and wine, and of course,easy access to the rest of the European world.

But its the everyday idiosyncrasies that poses that greatest challenges for me. A 20% sales tax, lack of customer service, language barrier, reserved formal attitudes, lack of consideration for all others aside from self (the concept of a line has not yet caught on in this country), over crowdedness, and of course, the constant, unending rain and bleak weather, where the sun constantly struggles and fails to overcome the resilient clouds.

Of course, one can’t also ignore the important detail that I am not of White descent. That I am from Pilipino ancestry, and that the color of my skin radiates a deep brown. Without my American nationality to hide behind, I’m afraid that I’m living in a country unable to see past the superficial, incapable of embracing diversity. Rather I am living in a country weary of foreigners, of any culture, race, religion that is not like them, the blue-eyed, blond haired giants of the Low Countries. I keep praying that sooner or later, they will realize that culture is transient, constantly evolving as the population and time demands and that people, regardless of any color, are inherently the same and also dream of what dreams may come.

On a positive note, I’m trying to make a conscious effort to alter my way of thinking. It’s simply a different way of living, of thinking, and of course of “being”.

I need to keep reminding myself that while I am struggling to live in such an “alien” world, I am incredibly blessed. The comforts showered upon me are: A loving, supportive, handsome fiance, loyal family, understanding friends, a gorgeous apartment literally in the heart of Utrecht, free weekday student transportation pass, generous monthly allowance courtesy of the Dutch Government, and the everyday graces of God. Despite all my grudges against the Health Economics program, I am very fortunate to continue the pursuit of higher education.

Perhaps it is also meant for me to also learn patience, humility, and to become strong.

I’m convinced that Fall is already over and that Winter is knocking, or more accurately, banging on the door. Today I woke up to freezing temperatures and needed to take a nice hot shower to wash away my irritation. Granted, Philadelphia was also unbearably cold. But I thought that it was an experience I can scratch off my “life experience list”. Alas, I’m afraid that was premature on my part.

The positive note is that I’ve become reacquainted with the gym these past two weeks. Bram and I, along with the other couple hundred members of De Workout, were blessed with new fitness machines fully equipped with computer screens. Yes my friends, you can actually pretend that you are running on some beautiful island, tracking your progress along in a virtual world with amenities such as heart rate level, running speed, kilometers ran, etc.

Today I am going to buy a new pair of running shoes. Utrecht Spring Marathon, here I come! It took me twenty-five years to appreciate the simple act of running and I don’t want to miss another moment without it.

I also managed to be charmed by a spinning instructor who makes the intense cardio workout a lot more facinating. While he simply can’t replace Steve, my Philadelphia Dad, he does know how to motivate me to brave the cold and burn all those calories. After six months in the Netherlands, I’m ready to loose those 10 pounds and get in better shape.

I am going to make an honest effort living in a world where I definitely don’t belong. While it is incredibly easy to get depressed in such a dark and dreary world, I have to start making the best of it. Happiness, according to the wisdom of family and friends, lies in first and foremost, accepting and loving who you are. Living in a world where conformity is often stressed as an absolute must, there leaves little room for individuality, personality, and creativity.

No matter what, I’m not going to be preoccupied with trying to adjust myself to what others believe is appropriate. I am, however, going to be more patient and invest more time in learning how to find some peace in the Netherlands.

I should keep reminding myself that I am not on a European vacation. Rather, I am living life in the Netherlands and trying to pursue a Master’s degree in Health Economics.

Easier said than done.

With the Holiday Season fast approaching, I am beginning to feel more and more homesick. The somber passing of Halloween in a dark and dreary country was not a pleasant experience. As a young woman right in the midst of her quarter-life crisis, I am inappropriately missing out on the drunken reverie and the sugar high.

I am not looking forward to missing out on Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Thank-God I have two close American classmates who refuse to let that beloved third November Thursday pass without a traditional meal and the company of select beloved friends.

And I am quite hesitant about completely embracing the Dutch version of Santa Clause- Sinter Klaas and his Black Pete. Dutch children, admonished by their parents for misbehavior, are threatened with the possibility of having Black Pete put them in a sack and take them away to Spain. Something inside of me cannot shake off the feeling of some racist connotation permeating around Black Pete. It seems wrong on so many levels, especially if one takes into account the liberal use of allochtoon to refer to the Dutch born children of Turkish and Morrocan immigrants and the uncomfortable tension between the general White Dutch population and their non-white counterparts.

Perhaps cultural sensitivity nor multiculturalism is still a foreign, foreboding concept, rather than an acceptable practice in the Netherlands.

I never imagined how difficult it would be to live as a functioning illiterate in a relatively formal country weary of foreigners and who’s mantra is all about “tolerance”. Nor was I able to comprehend the magnitude of loneliness I would feel so far away from home.

I am away from everything that resonates inside of me- my family and closest friends, the San Francisco Bay Area, my cultural identity as a 1st generation Pilipino-American, nature in its wild, untamed beauty (Muir Woods/Sierra Nevada/Yosemite), American popular culture, and Catholicism (Berkeley Newman Hall style).

What is promising is that I have been blessed with a loving fiance, receive continuous support from far away family and friends, and opening my heart to a whole new set of wonderful people. I see my experience in the Netherlands as an opportunity for “character building” and stepping slowly, but steadily into a self-assured young woman.

In all fairness, there are plenty of open-minded, kind, and loving Dutch people that I have come across. I am getting married to a Dutchman after all.

Who ever said that “adaptation” was an easy process anyway?

After a surprise romantic getaway to Paris, complete with a long awaited engagement to the man of my dreams, I’m back in the Netherlands in serious study mode. In two weeks I have my first final exams, Econometrics and Economics and Financing of Health Care Systems.

With all this emphasis on being a more serious student, I must confess that this coming weekend I’m headed to Autruche, France, a tiny village in the infamous Champagne region to celebrate a beloved friend’s 27th birthday.

Amidst a conversation during tapas and wine among fellow GEPECO members, it was mentioned that there were three ostriches roaming around Autruche, a village who’s namesake in French translates as “ostrich”. Perhaps as a result of too much wine, friendly daring or bravado (or more accurately- a combination of all three), a general concensus spurred among us to set the ostriches free. After all, they belong in the African wild and not in the confines of a remote French village. Hence, the Ostrich Liberation Front (official Facebook group) was born.

Coincidentally during the next GEPECO dinner, two gifts from Bram’s siblings (who were not aware of the Ostrich Liberation Front) were presented: a “sophisticated” female ostrich dressed in bridal attire and a matching “stately” male ostrich in a tuxedo. Laughter among the table ensued and anticipation for the coming trip to Autruche became even more pronounced.

While in all seriousness the Ostrich Liberation Front is all in jest, I am looking forward to the company of good friends, fresh air, vineyards, a little Old World history, French cheeses, and not to forget, some wonderful Champagne.

For pictures of Bram and Rina Mae’s Surprise Trip to Paris:

• Paris, France (Friday)
• Paris, France (Saturday, Part I)
• Paris, France (Saturday, Part II)
• Paris, France (Sunday)

“The entire world is my home…”

Erasmus

I’m off to a romantic getaway with my boyfriend. I have no idea where we’re headed, but I’m sure I’ll be swept off my feet.

It’s been quite some time since my last post. During this time, I’ve been preoccupied with:

-packing/ moving/settling into my new apartment on the Old Canal

-embarking on a new endeavor: a Master’s program in Health Economics at Erasmus University Rotterdam.

Who ever thought that packing, moving, and settling into a new apartment can be so exhausting? I’m definitely going to stay in my new apartment for at least a year…

Attempting to tackle “master’s level” classes in Economics without ever taking one undergraduate econ related class seems to be quite ambitious. Nonetheless, I’m hopeful (or perhaps more accurately, delusional) that I’m going to do well.

And while I must confess I was still dreaming of an “Indian summer”, I’m afraid that Fall has finally arrived. Along with the change of season are must have scarves, stylish boots, trendy caps, chic jackets and life-saving umbrellas. I’m finally understanding the stereotype that Europeans seem to be more conscious about style than their American counterparts.

For the first time in my life, I’m actually inspired to dress better. Now we’ll just see how long that lasts…

For your personal amusement, pictures from the first unofficial HE/HEPL dinner: http://berkeley.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2220794&l=68999&id=1223201

I am counting down the days till the weekend of September 1st, aka Operation Move-In Day. I’ll be moving into a 100 m2 apartment with a complete kitchen, balcony and interesting floor plan (to say the least).

It will be be one stressful move. Its located right in the center where its off limits to cars and has a high population density of shoppers and lost tourists. There will also be a narrow alley and at least three flights of stairs to conquer…

Nonetheless, I’m embracing all the stress with open arms. I’m excited to have a new beginning in a place where I can imagine myself falling in love with, even if its only for a year. =)

I’m also looking forward to the coming Fall semester where there are new opportunities to make new friends, challenged by aloof professors and temptations to travel elsewhere in the Old World.

” Not my daughter you Bitch!”

Mrs. Weasley,� Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I’m ashamed to admit that my spinning skills have fallen on the wayside.� I seriously need to restructure my workout regime. I may not look out of shape, but I don’t exactly feel comfortable in my own skin. It could be the extra nine pounds I’ve been carrying around since I arrived in the Netherlands.

I truly miss the spinning classes at the Philadelphia Sports Club (Society Hill). Most of all, I miss my friends.

I can keep on complaining about how much I detest my current gym-how superficial, stifling, unfriendly and fake the environment seems to be.

Or seriously research other gyms that take spinning seriously and have an overall welcoming atmosphere.

And I’ve just done that. Tonight will be my first spinning trial at� “De Workout” on the Old Canal.� Wish me luck!